Saying YES

SAYING YES...

After a long, hard, weekend full of Noah vomiting, the anniversary of my mother's death, and a seemingly endless "to do" list...and relapsing on chocolate, Mexican food, and Blue Bell ice cream...it is with a heart full of HOPE that I SAY YES, once again.  Every now and then, I find myself, unfortunately sweating the small stuff...and I realize that when this happens, I listen to my lower self...and say yes to the stuff I don't WANT to say yes to...like self doubt, complaining, and comparison...the stealers of JOY! So, enough of that! It is time to pull myself up and make the choice to embrace a new day, a new week...a new opportunity to say YES...
This week, I'm saying YES to...

• Getting up early again for 5 am runs.
• Doing what I meant to do last week but didn't...get HELP cleaning my house! I will digress here, but I had so much stuff to do...I actually needed help with getting the house READY to to be cleaned! I know that sounds lame, but if you don't clean up piles of junk, the cleaning lady will just clean AROUND it, and what's the point of that?!? It just ends up making me feel like a failure because I didn't have it done...hence the procrastination and, I didn't get the cleaning lady to come. THIS WEEK, I've got to just suck it up and get some help!
• On that note, I'm saying YES to trying to make time every day to clean up.  This is particularly difficult when I'm trying to plan and do Jackson's birthday party all this week because I'll be out of town the whole week of his party. 
• And on THAT note, I'm saying YES to trying to stop freaking out about everything being "perfect" for Jackson's birthday party.  Several of our cousins can't make his party, and it's a costume party, so I allowed myself to get all worked up today about "What if it's just us in a costume?"  O.k....so what if it is? What's the WORST that'll happen?  We'll dress up in costumes, which is fun...and we'll bounce, slide, and eat cake.  What's the bad part about that?!?  (That's the sweating the small stuff I've GOT to work on!)
• And on THAT note...I'm saying YES to keeping things in perspective  and not sweating the small stuff.
• I'm saying YES to eating clean, exercising...for that is the core of "being me."
• I'm saying YES to one-goal-at-a-time...
• YES to deep breaths...
• YES to appreciating my blessings (and NO to complaining)
• YES to hugs, snuggles, reading before bedtime with my boys...
• YES to opening the boxes from Amazon and Etsy that will be waiting on my porch...
• I'm saying YES to planning my outfits the night before & YES to fun boots!
• Oh, and I'm saying YES to getting my new Coach bag in the mail...because Mama got a great deal, and I decided that after almost 5 years of carrying diaper bags & breastfeeding each son for a year.. that it was time Mama got a cute bag again!
• YES to cutting out banners, cupcake toppers, and decorations for Jackson's party...
• YES to asking for help...even if that means getting a sitter while Michael is out of town (oh how I struggle with asking for help!)
• I'm saying YES to accepting myself...flaws and all, imperfectly perfect.
• I'm saying YES to sweet text messages to my friend, MB, who remembers me when I need it most!
• Oh, and I'm saying YES to this GREAT new app...Red Stamp...it's FREE & Fabulous...a must for moms.
• Yes, to not beating myself up for having a rough couple of days...
• YES to getting back up and holding my head high...
• YES to pumpkins, spiders, and (not so) spooky Halloween decorations...
• YES to ordering my Halloween tutu for Jackson's party...
• YES to ordering my son's 2nd birthday cake and being perfectly OK with not baking it myself!
• Yes to PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION!!
• YES to what really matters...
• YES! YES! YES!

What are YOU saying YES to this week?!? Listen to your HIGHER self and say YES!

15 years

October 14, 2012...
15 years today since I lost my mother to cancer.  Some years I get through the days better than others.  Today was a tough year.  I don't know if it's because of the number 15...just sounds monumental...if it's because we've been struggling with Noah being sick... or what...but I had a hard time finding the joy in the day.  There were moments...seeing Jackson's smile...Noah waking up feeling happy after vomiting yet again last night. But I felt a sinking, heavy, grumpy feeling all day today.  And despite my attempts to wash it off...it just lingered.  After some maladaptive coping of Blue Bell ice cream and chocolate, I decided to  go to the nursery and do something positive with my negative energy.  I bought some plants and planted about 5 flats of pansies. 
I can remember shortly after my mother died...when we planted pansies in my mother's memorial garden on my parents' land.  I remember my father planting the pansies and saying that my mother was a lot like the pansy flower.  Seemingly delicate...beautiful...but tough.  Pansies are a tough flower.  They withstand the harsh elements.  Yes, my mother was like a pansy, indeed.  Truly the most amazing person I've ever met. As I wept while digging in the dirt today...her words came ringing loudly into my heart. It was as if I could hear her say, "Brenda, fear not.  Only believe."  Such a woman of faith.  How I wish I had her strength, her patience, her grace...all areas I struggle with.  But I know I have to be me...flaws and all, and some days that's tougher than others...days like today, for example.
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Halloween costume shopping

Today I took the boys to the Halloween store to look for costumes.  Jackson was a no-go, but Noah fell in love with the blue Angry Bird costume...help us!

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Wild Friday night at our castle

Friday nights at our castle aren't what they used to be...
Gone are the days of quiet, romantic dinners out...
Gone are late-night movies...and waking up late the next morning.
Friday nights at our castle have been, indeed, redefined since we have had kids. 
This Friday night, for example, was an evening outdoors with our boys.  It was an evening filled with giggles, big smiles, swinging, sliding, walking around the lake, & topped off by a push-pop!














Michael was so cute swinging next to Noah.  That's one of the things that I love about my husband...the way he plays with our boys. After we finished playing and we came indoors, I watched Michael holding both boys in his lap.  He looked up at me, and said, "What?" I was thinking to myself what an amazing father he is to our boys...how our boys have such a head start in this life because of the presence of their father in their lives.  I walked up to him, kissed him on the cheek, and said, "I just love you." 
So, although the quiet, romantic dinners are few and far between...(and we should probably fix that & get a sitter more often) my heart is just as full of love.

 

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Brotherly love

October 10, 2012


sweet brotherly love


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Turn Tyler Pink 2012

Tonight was Turn Tyler Pink 2012...a wonderful event hosted by the Tyler Firefighters...that started as a result of the Tyler Firefighters' desire to somehow help a fellow firefighter and his (now) deceased wife as they battled her breast cancer. I was humbled  and blessed to walk Wes and Tonya Malcom through Tonya's battle.  I'm always so amazed at the blessings that result from tragedy.  As a result of the Tyler firefighters' efforts to aid the Malcoms, this annual event began several years ago...and the Tyler Firefighters now generate about $100,000 annually to support the fight to end breast cancer and to fund their C.A.R.E. team (Cancer Awareness Relief Effort) team.  I was blessed to be a part of this process, so much bigger than I could've ever imagined. Wes and I are still friends.  He was recently remarried...is happy.  He recently told me, "I remember when I was going through all that...you said I'd see a bigger picture one day.  I didn't know what you meant then, but I do now." I signed the pink poster, in memory of my sweet mother, who I lost to breast cancer 15 years ago the 14th of this month.   Life sure is a roller coaster......but what a ride!!!

Our little piece of heaven

Sometimes I get so busy in the hustle and bustle of life...I don't stop...look around...take a deep breath and realize just how BLESSED I truly am.  Take, for instance, my wonderful neighborhood.  I literally live with a small lake in my backyard, complete with a walking trail around the lake.  Any day of the week...my boys and I can literally get away from it all by taking in God's beauty with a nature walk around our little lake.  This year, Jackson is big enough to walk all the way around the lake by himself.  I love to watch him explore. He & Noah each found their own walking sticks and were precious as can be today...as we enjoyed the beautiful fall weather and took in God's beauty.  As we made the turn around the lake, I noticed a burnt orange shirt (my husband, the Longhorn). Daddy came to meet us around the trail.  Immediately when Noah saw Michael, he sprinted toward him.  Jackson soon followed, just as fast as his little feet could pedal.  It was so heartwarming to see my boys run to their daddy...their hero. And THESE are the moments that I need to focus on...need to breathe in...when the boys are screaming, the house is a mess, and I myself losing patience and appreciation for my blessings.  Moments like these.