It has been a difficult week in the McBride home. It's not the boys. The boys are amazing. It's not the house. It's actually picked up for the most part (right now!)
It's our childcare situation. Since Noah was 3 months old, I've had a lady coming to the house to care for him when I work. Unfortunately, she has had difficulty with lack of structure and discipline, and after some unfortunate incidents this past week, we've had no choice but to part ways. So I've been sad, overwhelmed...drowning in pressure, guilt, uncertainty, and absolute trepidation about making the wrong decision for my boys. These are the struggles of a working mother. Let me be perfectly honest...it isn't pretty! I've gravitated from depression to anger to confusion to anxiety, back to depression, to feeling overwhelmed...and then some! I've been researching schools...actually, thank goodness, Christine has already done lots of that work (bless you!), daycares, private nannys etc. Trying to come up with the right balance and right decision for our family has been agony. In my woe-is-me moments today...we decided to take a walk around the lake. Noah was fascinated with the water puddles. We have been cooped up all weekend, so we gave him free-for-all to puddle away. "I love jumping in water puddles," he exclaimed again and again. And then he'd dive right in. Again and again. Puddle after puddle. No reservations.
When I got to looking at these pictures, I realized that my 4 year old was
TEACHING ME. He took a situation that would seem dreary...rain and mud...and turned it into an adventure
by jumping right in...literally. He didn't overanalyze anything. He didn't freak out about making the wrong choice. He knew it would be dirty. And wet. And that a mess would surely be made----
and he unabashedly JUMPED RIGHT IN...FEET FIRST. No fear. And he enjoyed the moment.
Wow. My son, Noah...taught me a huge lessoon today. Here I was feeling sorry for myself, because I allowed the rain and the accompanying mud of our situation this week to steal my joy. I allowed that. Well, let me tell you....that's misreable. I'm opting for something else. I'm going to attempt to approach the situation as my 4 year old would----by jumping right in.
Sure, it may be muddy for a while. We may get dirty...but we can always change directions...wash off...and take another path if that's best for our family. Nothing is set in stone. We adults tend to over-complicate things, don't we? Thank you, Noah, for teaching your mama a much-needed lesson. I love you, my darling. Never lose your spirit. For it teaches me daily.
