A Bitter-Sweet Weekend

It was a bitter-sweet weekend at our house. My Uncle Larry was diagnosed with an aggressive, incurrable brain cancer. He is a pastor that lives in Kansas. He has 6 children and 16 grandchildren. As devastating as this news is to us, it's amazing how positive he remains, reminding us of God's love, reminding us not to fear. Listening to my cousin give accounts of the restless days and nights at the hospital brings back all-too familiar memories of my mother's cancer, her illness, and that painful loss. She, much like my Uncle Larry, was unbelievably inspiring, positive, & faithful in the Lord. She told us repeatedly, "Fear not. Only believe." It's actually written on her gravestone. Grief isn't "cured," rather, something we manage. However, I choose to believe that out of every crisis, there is an opportunity...an opportunity to learn, to grow. One of the things I learned from my mother's illness is that life is a huge gift. I take nothing for granted. I dance every day. I laugh every day. I feel happiness and joy every day...not all day every day, but every day.

So whereas devastating news and grief comprised the "bitter" part of this weekend, I also took time to notice the "sweet" moments as well; Moments with my son, Noah. Michael spent most of the weekend working on our rental houses so Noah and I had lots of Mommy & son time. We went to Bergfeld Park & Discovery Science Museum, ate ice cream, played in the dirt & the hammock, read lots of books, and laughed a whole lot. We also went on a kayak ride on the lake with Michael & that was extra fun for us because Noah is a little older & could enjoy the ride. Noah is getting little curls at the ends of his hair, and running my fingers through his beautiful red hair brings me happiness. My son was definitely the "sweet" part of my weekend, and, now that I mention it, the sweet part of every day of my life.

In tough times, it's easy to feel helpless. So, I try to to remember what I can and can't control. I can control my attitude, my behaviors, my prayers, and how I react to the things that are out of my control. In thinking of my family in Kansas, I couldn't control that they were in a hospital, up all hours of the night, scared, drained. What I could do was pray, send messages of hope and encouragement, and send plenty of pizza to the hospital room so that they at least had a fleeting moment of something fun, something other than cancer. So, that's what I did.
And I focus on my blessings, things for which I have so much gratitude, including:

• My husband, Michael
• My son, Noah Michael
• My father, Fred
• The gift of my mother, Marie
• My sisters, Susie & Denise
• My mother-in-law, Anne
• My sister-&-brother-in law, Rebekah & Brian
• My nieces & nephews-Matthew, Nicholas, Andrew, Ella, James, Sam, Lucas, & Alice
• My wonderful friends-Elizabeth, Stacy, Michelle, MaryBeth, Jill, Christine
• My health
• My God, my faith
• This day, this breath, and the opportunity for another.