Bye bye maternity leave...hello work juggling

Well, my maternity leave is officially over. And it's with butterflies in my stomach and a whole lot of anxiety that I go back to work tomorrow. Not that my work is bad...actually, it is quite the opposite. ETMC has been nothing short of wonderful to me. But I'm going to be shuffling even MORE hats than I have been. Where to begin? Well, Judge Clark's office called me and said I came highly recommended, and that they wanted me to serve as the clinical manager for their drug court. I'd be going to staffings every week, going to court every week, and doing chemical dependency evaluations on all the parents that have kids in CPS custody due to alcohol or drug abuse. I then would make recommendations whether they'd be a good candidate for drug court, if they need detox, etc. I love the program. It's actually cutting edge...particularly for TYLER!!! As the goal is not to just throw parents in jail, but educate and rehabilitate them, with the goal of reuniting families. I've seen some of the success stories first hand and I believe in the program. It's an honor to be asked to be a team member. But I'd have to do the assessments while I have childcare...and I'm already trying to cram as many hours into 2 1/2 days as possible. BHC was totally supportive of this and even wants me to spotlight the program in this week's meeting with the affiliates. Whereas I used to be somewhat "tied" to helping the adult psych unit the mornings that I am at BHC, I no longer will be. Again, they have been awesome to me. Told me to figure out what my drug court schedule will be, just float wherever they need help at BHC, & do my cancer groups. They also want to use me for more public speaking, particularly doing monthly education seminars for the community. Sounds good to me. I told them I'd do whatever they wanted me to do because they have been so good to me. Add to going back to work...NEW work...new evaluations...new people...I just don't want to fail or let anybody down. Judge Clark & all her staff have been incredibly nice to me. I really don't know why they'd want me, but I'm glad that they do! It's still scary though, starting something new. BUT, I have a history of leaving previous jobs because I wasn't challenged...not growing...and I KNOW this is a wonderful opportunity for growth. So, I'm just jumping in. AND doing some new stuff at BHC. AND serving as the National Sponsor Liason for Komen Tyler. AND Komen asked me to be a part of their committee that does a community needs assessment. Based on that assessment they determine how that money gets delegated throughout the community. Last year, I believe ETMC didn't get as much funding as another hospital, so I definitely wanted to be on that committee. That's exhausting to write, much less do. Did I mention I have a 2 1/2 month old baby and an almost 3 year old? And I'm going to be trying to breastfeed/pump throughout all this? Yikes. And on very little sleep! And still trying to lose baby weight---how in the world am I going to get my running stride back?!?!? I'm trying to do another 1/2 marathon in March. I've got a LONG way to go! I guess I just have to make an appointment with myself for my self-care or I'll be the first one off the list for sure. So, there it is. I'm one big ball of nerves tonight. What would I tell my clients? Start with the things I CAN control. Get as much of my stuff ready tonight because I'll be up feeding at 3 am, and up by the time I get Jackson down, I'll be up to get ready for work at 4:30 am. I can have gratitude for the many blessings that I do have. I am lucky enough to work part time and have insurance for my family. Huge blessing since Michael is self-employed. My boss and work environment is positive and has supported me 110%. Not everyone has that. Not everyone gets as long as a leave as I've had. My boys are healthy. My husband loves me and helps a lot with the boys. At least I have a job to go back TO! Economic times are tough right now. So, my house is a mess, yes. I will surely take some time to get some type of groove going. It's going to be a struggle and a juggling act for sure. But there are also lots of opportunities for growth, and if we're not growing, what's the point of living? Stagnating?!? I think not. One day at a time for now. I've written this post quickly, and I'm not going to go back and edit or sugar-coat anything to make it sound any differently than it is...the honest truth about where I am right now. One day, my boys will be bigger, I'll have sleep again, and I'll be able to ask myself how in the heck I did it! Busy working mother...trying to juggle it all...signing OFF!