Lessons From My 4 Year Old

     It has been a difficult week in the McBride home.  It's not the boys.  The boys are amazing.  It's not the house.  It's actually picked up for the most part (right now!)
It's our childcare situation.  Since Noah was 3 months old, I've had a lady coming to the house to care for him when I work.  Unfortunately, she has had difficulty with lack of structure and discipline, and after some unfortunate incidents this past week, we've had no choice but to part ways.   So I've been sad, overwhelmed...drowning in pressure, guilt, uncertainty, and absolute trepidation about making the wrong decision for my boys.  These are the struggles of a working mother.  Let me be perfectly honest...it isn't pretty! I've gravitated from depression to anger to confusion to anxiety, back to depression, to feeling overwhelmed...and then some! I've been researching schools...actually, thank goodness, Christine has already done lots of that work (bless you!), daycares, private nannys etc.  Trying to come up with the right balance and right decision for our family has been agony.  In my woe-is-me moments today...we decided to take a walk around the lake. Noah was fascinated with the water puddles.  We have been cooped up all weekend, so we gave him free-for-all to puddle away.  "I love jumping in water puddles," he exclaimed again and again.  And then he'd dive right in. Again and again. Puddle after puddle.  No reservations.
When I got to looking at these pictures, I realized that my 4 year old was TEACHING ME.  He took a situation that would seem dreary...rain and mud...and turned it into an adventure by jumping right in...literally.  He didn't overanalyze anything.  He didn't freak out about making the wrong choice.  He knew it would be dirty.  And wet.  And that a mess would surely be made----and he unabashedly JUMPED RIGHT IN...FEET FIRST.  No fear.  And he enjoyed the moment. 
     Wow.  My son, Noah...taught me a huge lessoon today.  Here I was feeling sorry for myself, because I allowed the rain and the accompanying mud of our situation this week to steal my joy.  I allowed that.  Well, let me tell you....that's misreable.  I'm opting for something else.  I'm going to attempt to approach the situation as my 4 year old would----by jumping right in.  Sure, it may be muddy for a while.  We may get dirty...but we can always change directions...wash off...and take another path if that's best for our family.  Nothing is set in stone.  We adults tend to over-complicate things, don't we? Thank you, Noah, for teaching your mama a much-needed lesson.  I love you, my darling.  Never lose your spirit.  For it teaches me daily.

Reflections of 2011

Have a sparkling new year!

Me & My Boys...last day of 2011

It's the final day of 2011, and as I take a brief moment to reflect on this past year, and ponder hopes for 2012, I pause....breathe in........breathe out, and thank God for my many blessings.  This year went by in a blink of an eye.  It was just the beginning of 2011 that Jackson was just 2 months old.  It was just the beginning of 2011, when we were transitioning from a family of three to a family of four.  As the year closes, I now have an almost-four-year-old in Noah, and a one-year-old in Jackson! Having a baby brings lots of firsts---2011 there were lots of firsts for Jackson...first sit up, first roll, first crawl, first word, first walk...eventually...first birthday.  Watching his firsts and watching him explore his year of firsts has been something I will forever treasure.  He is simply goodness. He loves his big brother, Noah, and seeing these two together is nothing short of joy rising (except, of course...now that they're both bigger, we have the beginnings of the brotherly roughousing! That's not so joy rising!) Noah is little me.  He is always on the move, outrageous, spontaneous, spirited, stubborn, full of passion, and wakes up every day just ready for fun.  He's my son who will bust out a song or a dance, for anyone, anywhere. He sings about everything! He loves to be outside! He loves his Daddy and his brother.  I hope he never loses that enthusiasm. Sometimes I just stare at his gorgeous blue eyes and copper locks, and am genuinely stunned by his beauty. 2011 was the year that I became a part of Judge Clark's Drug Court team.  I never thought I'd want to work with "drug addicts," but I've learned so much this past year about recovery through this amazing opportunity.  I have learned more about resiliance and the power of God and abundance from "drug addicts" than I ever learned in school or anywhere else. It's truly GOD's work that I'm doing, and it's THE MOST VALUABLE work I've ever done. Hands down.  The best part of it is...I'm a big part of putting families BACK TOGETHER.  Judge Clark is a big picture thinker, and I love her dearly. And speaking of love...my husband of 13 years. I love that man. I simply do not know how I would've made it...physically or emotionallly, without his support in my life.  Love is a verb. I love you, Michael.

2011....

• The year Jackson turned 1; the year Noah turned 4.
• The year that Elizabeth turned 40 & we gave her a 40 & Fabulous Birthday Party
• The year that Grandma Kreger died
• The year that Judge Clark & Drug Court became a part of my life
• The year that I realized Mary Beth was not coming back to Texas
• The year that my dad fought like hell to honor my mother's memory after some shady dealings from some Michigan family
• The year that I completed a 1/2 marathon 4 months after having a baby
• The year that I worked more than I intended
• The year that I traveled to D.C. with Judge Clark & had a private tour of the capitol by a Congressman
• The year that I discovered Pinterest
• The year that I found my home gym...XTC, and got re-introduced to kickboxing, which I heart
• The year that I breastfed...for over a year, thank you very much
• The year that I spent countless nights rocking babes, singing Silent Night, and squeezing precious baby skin
• The year of watching my boys together as siblings
• The year that I made some priceless plates and canvas prints from the boys handprints
• The year that Elizabeth found the courage to file for divorce
• The year that Michael got season tickets to the longhorns
• The year that Michael also bought me my Canon...coincidence?
• The year that I grew even closer to my sisters, which includes my sister-in-law, Rebekah.
• The year that I made Noah & Alice a 12x12 Shutterfly Book explaining how to make my mom's sugar cookies
• The year that my house became a complete mess...
• And the year that I hired a housekeeper without guilt.
• The year that we took our 1st trip on the Polar Express
• The year that we were all WELL for Christmas
• The year I met Courtney Stafford. The year Thomas Thedford celebrated his 1st birthday.
• The year Jackson completed so many "firsts."
• The year we took our 1st vacation as a family of four.
• The year I did more public speaking 
• The year Michael & I celebrated our 13th anniversary
• The year that marked 14 years since my mother died
• The year that priceless pictures were taken of our family
• The year I will treasure, ups and downs...highs and lows...because I was blessed with my three loves, (Michael, Noah, & Jackson) my extended family, and good friends. 

Thank you, God, for allowing me to be healthy throughout 2011.  Thank you for my life and the chance to live each day.