Jackson's 1 month 9 day old update

I seriously feel like a blog slacker, but it's been all I can do to sleep 3 hours a night, Christmas shop, and take care of 2 boys, one of which has been sick. Poor Jackson. The last couple of weeks have been rough. I noticed that he was starting to cry a painful cry either during or after nursing. He'd be gassy, scream out in pain, wretch...just a nightmare. So we went to see Dr. Austin. And we went again. And we've talked with the nurse several times since then because they know I'm getting sick and tired of going up there! Long story short...my sweet boy has been hurting and not much has seemed to help. We decided to take him off the 2 reflux meds he was on and he hasn't declined, so I'm pretty sure that wasn't the problem. I'm giving Levsin which is supposed to help with his tummy by slowing down the pain in his intestines. I must say, yesterday was a low point. I nursed Jackson and he started crying in pain. As a mother, it has been my experience that nursing is supposed to comfort your infant, not cause him pain! I called Michael crying. Meg said that she thought he had difficulty synthesizing the protein from my milk and that we needed to try this special formula, Neocate. It's about $45 a can! Yes, in desperation, I ordered it. But then today, Jackson had a PERFECT day...no wretching, no pain from nursing. Praise God! The only thing in my diet that could have contributed to his pain was my diet cokes. And I'll be the 1st to admit that I've been drinking a lot because it's got caffeine and I've been off them 10 months. Until the last 2 days. Now I'm in serious withdrawal, but if it helps, I'll keep drinking my plain water. Jackson's tummy pain has also kept him from sleeping more than 1 1/2-2 hours nightly, so then I'd be tired and drink more Diet Coke the next day. I don't know if that has anything to do with it, but we did well today, so we shall see. We took a family picture today and I had to nurse Jackson twice, but he did fine with no pain, so I'm hopeful (Hopefully not premature) that we are on the upswing of whatever this is! So THAT is why I've been off my blog...it's been 24-hour a day pursuit of helping my baby boy. Does the guilt ever go away? Please know, Little Love, that Mommy is doing everything she can to help make you feel better. I love you. So does Daddy and Noah.